Lyrics

There was a gangster named Stan
Played flute in a band
Never liked his job as part of the mob
Guys called him Ice Cream though never mean
His brudder was boss Stan always lost
A real cream puff who thought he was tough
Killing wasn’t thrilling blood made him sick
His schtick was a fast draw never quick

He was the softest tough-guy in the whole damn clan
He was the softest tough-guy in the whole damn clan
Yeah, they all knew Stan was a marshmallow man
Didn’t fit the mob’s big master plan
Just a mixed-up gangster named Stan

Fed his pet mouse in a half-bedroom flat
Crawled ‘round the floor in Mortal Kombat
His charm was never wrong with his five wives
Chopped off his pinky with a butcher knife
He was a marshmallow who lived in the ghetto
Didn’t like mob flicks Goodfellas or Casino
Always took a hit on his candy cigarette
Weakest in the crew, cried at Godfather Part Two

Softest tough-guy in the whole damn clan
Yeah, they all knew Stan was a marshmallow man
Didn’t fit the mob’s big master plan
Just a mixed-up gangster named Stan

Stan was a clumsy oaf always dead broke
Money up in smoke with every bad joke
Put his last fiver down on a lotto trust
Even a deuce scratch-off was another bust

But he picked a pick-six ticket off the ground
No one saw it no one else around
Still a clutz, but he hit the mega-billion bucks
Still plays with his mouse in a hundred-room house
Brudder is the chauffeur driving his new sedan
Oh yes, there’s a made-man named Stan

He was softest tough-guy in the whole damn clan
Now the mob tips hats to the marshmallow man
Didn’t fit the mob’s big monster plan
But the whole world knows him as Stan
As Stan, as Stan, as Stan